Tandy, Atty at Law
by ElaanBasevi
Summary: AU. What if the Board's decision had been different way back in 2.08 The Mistake? What if House was assigned a permanent babysitter a lawyer to personally oversee the actions of the Diagnostics Department? HouseOC, WilsonOC, Wuddy, onesided Hameron.
1. Prologue

** A/N: **While far from my first attempt at fan fiction, this is the first attempt that will ever be published to the general public. I've got a pretty thick skin, so feel free to flame me if you like. If not, leave a _nice _review. Those are so much better. This story is AU, with a different take on the board's decision back in 2.08 "The Mistake." I'm trying to follow the story arcs that the show has taken, but the new characters will start of affect the daily goings-on at PPTH, so no promises.

**DEDICATION**: This story is dedicated in full to one of my best friends, **allhisengines** who, along with being a wonderful writer herself (check out her POTC stories) helped me form the ideas behind this story and will be providing most of the interesting medical cases that occur in this story. I originally intended for this to be published by Christmas - but my relatives had something else in mind. So, while late, MERRY CHRISTMAS CORINNE!

* * *

**Prologue**

It had been a long day for attorney Stacy Warner. Not only had her clients not received the best reaction from the Board, and her whole view of Gregory House had turned on its head, she had been replaced. The Board had ruled that House had to be supervised by another doctor to be appointed by Cuddy and that the appointed doctor had to be in constant contact with an attorney employed by the hospital.

She had hoped that the appointed attorney would be her. Even more embarrassing, she had_ assumed_ that it would be her. Stacy replayed the conversation with Cuddy in her head and frowned, her embarrassment unbearable.

"So when should I come in?" she had asked, walking in sync with the Dean of Medicine. Cuddy had looked at her strangely.

"Same time, like usual." Stacy nodded. A beat later, she opened her mouth again.

"So, do I report to Diagnostics when I come in?"

"No, why…?" Cuddy stopped abruptly. "Oh." Her face fell as she realized the implication of Stacy's questions.

"I'm not the attorney in charge of Diagnostics, am I?" Stacy asked, her stomach already sinking into the floor.

"No. You're not," Cuddy said, smiling sadly.

"Why?" Stacy asked, perplexed. She felt the blood rushing into her cheeks as she began to flush.

"You can work with House. You've made that very clear. Besides, you're emotionally involved."

"I am _not_ emotionally involved! I'm not interested in House!"

"I didn't say that you were romantically involved – just emotionally. You've got feelings, positive or negative, about House. I need someone who is impartial. Completely unaware of the way House tries to operate and impervious to his manipulations."

"I'm impervious," Stacy insisted.

"No you are not. I'm not. The team's not. Wilson's not." Cuddy sighed. "I've hired someone who has never met him."

"They'd better be just as qualified as me," Stacy said before walking off to her office.

The reverie ended as she arrived mentally where she currently resided physically. Her head dropped into her hands as she attempted to puzzle out what was going on at Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital.

* * *

A young woman strolled into the hospital confidently, clutching a briefcase in her left hand. Her heels clicked rhythmically on the flooring, perfectly in time, never missing a beat. This was due to the headphones dangling from her left ear, leaving her right free to hear the surrounding noise. The white cord snaked down her black overcoat and into her pocket. Her manner was carefree and she propelled herself forward as if no one was watching her.

She was wrong. Stacy Warner stood on the railing above the main entrance to the hospital, waiting for the arrival of the new lawyer. When the doors had ground open and the young woman had walked in, Stacy's curiosity had been piqued. This woman was clearly not the experienced lawyer she knew Cuddy would replace her with, so there was no tension, but Stacy had learned a few things during her romance with House. She knew that observation was key.

The woman walked forward and Stacy could see the severe dress boots that created the staccato rhythm on the floor. They were black, as was the tailored suit that hugged her young curves. She couldn't have been more than five foot two, but the impression she gave was of a much larger figure.

Cuddy stepped out of the clinic and evidently made eye-contact with the young woman, because she stopped. Then Stacy heard something that made her blood freeze.

"Josette Tandy, your new attorney."

* * *

While not as in-depth as House's practice of stealing records, Stacy's methods of Google searching a person's name was quicker and only a little less informative. Her blood had skyrocketed from freezing to boiling as she read the newspaper articles regarding Josette Tandy. 

Valedictorian in high school at seventeen, undergraduate degree by age twenty despite double-majoring in political science and theatre, top of her class at Harvard at twenty-three and associate at one of the most prestigious firms for the past two years. Twenty five years old and replacing Stacy Warner.

Stacy almost considered barging into Cuddy's office and demanding an explanation until it became unnecessary. Cuddy walked by with the offending attorney to the open office that was connected to Stacy's. The office was bigger. It had a window. This was ridiculous.

Cuddy stuck her head through her door. "Oh good, you're here. I was just explaining to Josette that we're renovating this area to create a more comfortable working environment for our attorneys. House is causing you all enough trouble without having to deal with these cramped offices." Cuddy paused, and then whispered. "Sorry her office is bigger than yours for now."

Stacy laughed, her anger abating for the moment. Josette wouldn't last a week with House. She would bet all of her money on that.

Stacy Warner was in the precarious position of unknowingly becoming metaphorically bankrupt.


	2. Deception

**A/N:** Wow, it feels kind of nice to be put on someone's alert. Anyway, here's the first real chapter of Tandy, Atty at Law. Some of the dialogue has been taken directly from the episode (2.09) - at least, the transcripts from Each episode will be a chapter and, unless _clearly_ more than a day in the episode, most of them will take place in a day. It makes it easier to keep things straight. Any questions?

I wasn't going to do the whole "please review" begging routing, so I'm not - I'm just saying that reviews are nice.

* * *

CHAPTER ONE - DECEPTION 

Josette Tandy sat at the head of the table in the Diagnostic's Conference Room, waiting for the rest of the team to show up. Clearly, punctuality was not one of their strong points. Granted, Josette was hardly prompt herself, but she had made the attempt on her first day of work. She had heard that Dr. House was particular and, while praying the opposite, assumed he was like most particular doctors and wanted an early start.

Obviously not. She had already been sitting there for an hour, re-reading her compilation of information on Gregory House, M.D., and was too absorbed to hear the glass door opening.

"You must be Ms. Tandy," a smooth voice said from across the room. Josette looked up. A handsome black man stood by the door. _Eric Foreman, neurologist_, she reminded herself.

"And you're Dr. Foreman," she said smiling and rising from her seat. "Pleasure." She extended her hand and gripped his firmly, her eyes meeting his despite the height difference.

"You're a lot younger than I thought," he said, before catching himself. "I'm sorry, that was…I don't know, but I'm sorry." He smiled.

"It's fine, not many people graduate schools as young as I seem to do," she smiled, but not as broadly. "You're in charge of Diagnostics for the month, correct?" He nodded. "Great. Now, how do the differentials generally go?"

"What do you mean?" he asked as he had the bizarre vision of the team fighting across the table.

"When would be the best time for me to give you the okay for procedures and the like?"

"You just jump right in there, don't you?" _Patronizing_ _bastard_. He was treating her like a child.

"I generally use the most direct approach, Dr. Foreman. I find it brings about the quickest and best results." She smiled sweetly, and sat down, and reached for another file on the table. She scribbled something down.

"What are you writing down?" Foreman asked, attempting to look over her shoulder.

"Oh, just a reminder to myself for later," she replied, snapping the folder shut. "Nothing to worry about." The tab on the folder read "Predictions."

"Who said I was worried? I was just making conversation." He walked over to the counter and began searching the cabinets for something. After a moment he turned back to her. "Should I be worried?"

Josette smiled, and looked at him. "If you think that I'll report every move you make to Cuddy, then yes, you should be worried. But, why would you think that? I'm not a spy – I'm a lawyer."

Before Foreman could respond, the door opened again and an attractive blond man entered with a professional looking woman. _Chase and Cameron_, Josette though. As if responding to her thought, the pair turned to look at her. Chase smiled broadly, reminding Josette of a toothpaste commercial, while Cameron merely nodded before walking over to the coffee machine.

"I'm Josette Tandy," she said, standing once again. "I'm sure Dr. House or Dr. Foreman informed you that the Board has assigned a lawyer to oversee the Diagnostic Department." The pair exchanged glances across the room. "Evidently not," Josette observed, puzzled.

"I wasn't aware of this until I spoke with Cuddy this morning," Foreman explained. "And House isn't the type to share information."

"So, you're here to personally oversee the procedures?" Cameron asked, incredulous. "There are four doctors here – does that mean we have to run every decision we make by you before we proceed, even in the clinic?"

"No, no. Only ones that are controversial and deal directly with the department. From what I've been told Dr. House generally takes one patient per week, so there shouldn't be too many decisions to run by me."

"So, why can't we just page you when a decision has been reached?" Chase asked, sliding into the seat to the right of Josette.

"Again, my sources indicate that Dr. House is not one to wait for approval. Besides, I_ do_ have to monitor his behavior at all times and, for the next month, every move made by Dr. Foreman. Consider me your nanny." Josette smirked, amused by the variety of reactions she received from the three doctors.

Cameron was shocked by her presence and made no attempt to hide it. Josette guessed that Cameron was romantically interested in either Dr. House or Dr. Foreman and resented the need for another woman to spend inordinate amounts of time with them. Given her relaxed attitude around the latter, it was House than held her affection.

Chase seemed unfazed by her appearance in the Diagnostic Conference Room, which meant House had already informed him – unlikely – or he was the one who had killed a patient. She knew nothing of the hearing, other than that it had occurred. Generally, those hearings only occur when a doctor seriously makes a mistake – usually resulting in death. Since Foreman was put in charge, it wasn't him. House, while erratic and irresponsible, had a very low number of deaths in his medical career and a person doesn't become a world famous doctor by making mistakes. That left the two beautiful ones of the Diagnostic Squad. Since Chase had been expecting her, he had been at the hearing.

Foreman's response puzzled her, but only slightly. She was sure she could figure him out given time. He was patronizing, and arrogant. He also went out of his way to make sure she was ready to go on the first day – he even brought her a cup of coffee. Josette determined that this contradiction of behaviors was caused mainly by his new position as his boss's boss.

She pulled out a small, black notebook that was completely inconspicuous and began jotting down observations. The three began to talk around her, leaving her to her writing. After a few minutes, her concentration had waned and she began to hear snippets of conversation.

"Since when does House hang out at OTB?" her heard Cameron ask. _Bingo!_ Josette thought and scribbled her confirmation in her notebook.

"The man's an addict," Foreman replied, his casual tone laced with contempt.

"Right," Chase countered. "But addicted to pills, not gambling." _That's new_, Josette thought and made a note to add it to her file on House. She realized that the pills were most likely prescription painkillers originally used for his leg.

"It's the same thing!" Foreman argued. "Drug abuse, drinking, gambling – they all fire up the same pleasure centers in the brain. An addict is an addict is-"

"Gambling doesn't take away his pain," Cameron interrupted. _Right again_, Josette congratulated herself as she jotted the note down. The door opened again.

"It does when I win," a new voice said as a file folder landed with a _thunk_ on the table. Josette looked up. _Gregory House, M.D._ she though. _Snarky sonofabitch with an amazing track record of diagnoses. _"Hot OTB babe, has grand mal and inexplicable bruising. What's up with that?" he asked, comically. He glanced at her. "Who are you?"

"Josette Tandy," she interjected once again, getting weary of her own name. "I'm the lawyer assigned to Diagnostics and, specifically, to you." She stood and extended her hand. The table was too long for him to take it without walking around. He tossed his cane up slightly until his hand was far enough down for him to extend it to her hand.

Without missing a beat, Josette shook the cane. "Pleasure," she said, sitting down once more. She opened yet another folder, and positioned her pen at the top of the paper. The tab was labeled with the patient name and date of admittance.

"You were just standing there when she started to seize?" Cameron asked. _Jealous, much?_ Josette thought absentmindedly as she quickly reviewed the condensed case-file Cuddy had prepared for her.

While Josette did not have a medical degree, she had a basic understanding and could determine whether or not a test or treatment was reasonable – given that the condition of the patient was explained in terms she could understand. Cuddy didn't trust House to give her that explanation himself and therefore created the file.

"Spend as much time around the real people as I do, someone gets sick," House retorted. Josette noticed that he deftly avoided discussing his reasons for being near the woman in the first place. Perhaps he knew of Cameron's amorous intentions and wanted to shut her out completely.

"Her platelets are eighty-nine, she's anemic, and she has a blood alcohol content of .13," Foreman said, rerouting the conversation.

"Hot OTB babe?" Chase mused. "Obviously a working girl, probably an STD, infection…"

"No fever, no infection," House countered.

"Alcohol abuse explains it all," Foreman said, sounding almost bored. "Causes seizures and affects her blood's ability to clot, which causes bruising. Start her on heparin, and she'll be fine by morning."

Josette was about to interject that she didn't think that was the best idea, but House was already speaking.

"Except for the fact that the bruises are not petechial, which means it's not DIC."

"So the bruises were caused by trauma. She probably got beat up by a boyfriend, or a pimp." Foreman again. Josette rolled her eyes slightly, but no one noticed.

"What's that called when you judge someone before ever meeting them?" House chided.

Foreman sighed. "She's a regular at OTB. Somehow, I don't see her holding down a nine-to-five and going to PTA meetings."

"I was there, I have a nine-to-three job."

"It could be SLE, Familial Telangectasias, or even Cushing's," Cameron said firmly. _At least she knows what she's talking about_, Josette thought.

"Good. Start with those," House said.

"Which one?"

"Cushing's. Explains the seizures and the bruising."

"Not the anemia," Foreman said, jumping back into the game again.

"So she doesn't eat a lot of meat," House spat back childishly. Josette began packing up her folders into her briefcase. Either a plan of action would be arrived at soon or a fight would break out – either way the situation needed her full attention.

"DIC brought on by alcohol abuse is far more likely." _Score one for Foreman_. He turned to the team. "Do a full workup, H and P, and lab her up, LP, MRI…" He started to leave. Josette stood up quickly, having finished packing up.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" House said. "Did you just, ever so subtly, order me to get her medical history?"

"Cuddy put me in charge last week, so yeah." He turned to leave again.

"Dr. Foreman," Josette said. "I'll just jump right in now, if you don't mind." He stopped. "I have no problem with anything you plan on doing at the current moment, but I _may_ and in the future I suggest you save your dramatic exits for _after_ you consult me." She paused, her eyes flickering around the room, making brief contact with everyone. House was the last person she glanced at and he smirked at her subtly as Foreman left.

"Well, Josette, I guess we have a patient to question," he said, turning and leaving. She stared at the spot he had vacated for a moment before snatching her briefcase and hurrying after him. Luckily, his disability allowed her to catch up with him quickly.

"Thanks for waiting,_ Greg_," she said as she fell as much into step as she could with the doctor. He stopped, as she had predicted, and looked at her.

"No one calls me by my first name," he said, in a tone she couldn't place.

"Then don't call me by mine," she responded. "Agreed, House?"

"Fine, Tandy." He began walking again, leading her to the patient's room.

The "hot OTB babe was a witty woman by the name of Anica Jovanovich. She and House went through the form while Josette sat in a chair across the room from the patient, working the crossword in the paper Anica had been reading.

"_Do you wear a seatbelt?_ Is that really relevant to a seizure?" Anica asked, become frustrated with the seemingly useless form.

"Skip it," House responded. Josette arched her eyebrow and he turned to glance at her direction, his eyes daring her to challenge him. She gave a small shrug indicating that she didn't really care. In all honesty, Josette agreed with Anica – medical history forms are frustrating and almost always useless.

"How about _'Were you vaccinated for polio?'_ I think you gave me the form intended for FDR." Josette chuckled softly, and gave the patient a sympathetic smile before returning to her crossword. She heard House ask about the upcoming races. So far, he seemed to be a perfectly normal doctor. Granted, he was abrupt and sarcastic, but he didn't seem to be crossing any lines. Her file had said he didn't like patients, but he was getting along with Anica just fine – perhaps it was his previous contact with her.

"You know, I was going to ask what a respectable doctor was doing in an OTB parlor. Somehow that question doesn't seem relevant anymore," she heard Anica say.

"What's your excuse?" he fired back.

"Turns me on," she responded.

"Yeah? What else turns you on? Drugs? Casual sex? Rough sex? Casual rough sex?"

"House!" Josette interjected.

"I'm a doctor, I need to know," he responded to both Josette and his patient. Josette was ready to retort when Anica smile at her.

"Its fine, I'm not offended or anything." She turned back to House. "No sex, just moved here. Haven't even found a job yet. Don't know anybody."

"Came here without a job. That means you didn't move here, you moved away from somewhere else," he observed. Josette was startled. She had immediately thought the same thing. Obviously this Dr. House was also good at reading people and making deductions.

"Does that hurt?" he asked, poking the bruises on the patient's torso.

"No."

"Any prescription meds? Hormones, prednisone?"

"I already answered that one. I think it was question number twenty-something." Josette smirked at the crossword. Those questionnaires really were useless.

"Well, yeah, and I could reach down and get it, but that would kinda spoil the whole_ cool move_," he responded. Josette was surprised once again by House's casual ease with this patient – it was nothing like she had heard of. Instead of assuaging her concern, it heightened it. If House wasn't acting like House, there could be problems.

"I'm not on any medications."

"Are you a vegetarian?"

"No, why?"

"Because you might have something called Cushing's syndrome, which basically means that-"

"My pituitary is overproducing ACTH, which is causing my adrenal glands to push too much cortisol into my bloodstream," Anica finished. Josette's head snapped up as she gaped at Anica. Something wasn't right.

"What a coincidence. I'm a doctor, too," House quipped, seemingly not concerned.

"Yeah, I had it last year. They did brain surgery, removed an adenoma from my pituitary." House stared at Anica. This was something he did not expect. He turned to Josette.

"We'll need to do an MRI."

"I already approved an MRI, go ahead."

* * *

Josette's head was reeling as she walked into the cafeteria. Anica had already _had_ brain surgery? That was a twist she was not expecting. It did explain her ability to muddle through the hospital ritual with little problem. Still, for her to be back again in a hospital…it blew her mind. 

Across the cafeteria, Stacy Warner watched as Josette worked her way through the line, selecting her food carefully. So far, her observation had uncovered that Josette did not like pickles. So, she agreed with House over one matter. On the upside, Josette looked troubled – something that indicated her interactions with House had been less than ideal.

Quickly, Stacy made her way over to her new colleague. Josette was busy fiddling with her wallet, attempting to find the twenty she knew she put in there when she heard someone approach.

"It's on me," Stacy said to the cashier, handing him a credit card. She turned to the younger woman. "I'm Stacy Warner, another one of the attorneys here. I saw you with Cuddy this morning" Josette smiled a smile that didn't reach her eyes, but Stacy didn't notice. The cashier returned Stacy's card and the pair made their way back to Stacy's table.

"Thanks," Josette said as they slid into their respective chairs. "It wasn't necessary."

"No, but it was nice. Look at it this way, now I don't have to buy you a welcome gift." Both women laughed. Josette was beginning to like this Stacy Warner, but there was something about her that indicated she shouldn't.

"So, have you been here long?" Josette asked before diving into her sandwich.

"I worked here for a long time, but I quit five years ago. Recently I decided to come back," Stacy responded. Josette noted how she didn't go into any explanation at all, even when she allowed silence to fall, indicating she wasn't satisfied.

"Why did you leave?" Josette asked, after swallowing. A dark cloud passed over Stacy's eyes for a moment.

"Personal reasons, nothing having to do with work," she answered. Josette allowed the answer to roll around in her mind. It was a strange answer – something she was expecting, but also surprising.

"Sorry, didn't mean to pry," she said. A beeping sound went off, startling both Stacy and Josette. The source seemed to be somewhere around Josette's midsection. "Oh!" she exclaimed as she pulled the pager off of her pants. After quickly reading it, she looked at Stacy.

"You have to go, huh?" Stacy asked.

"Yeah," Josette said, nodding. "I hate to eat and run, but…"

"I understand, come by my office before you leave today."

"Sure," Josette said, grabbing her sandwich and briefcase before hurrying off.

She hurried to the Diagnostic Conference Room, but was late, by the appearance of things. She wondered if she had actually been paged before the beginning of the impromptu meeting, or if she had already missed something. _Shit, shit shit_, she though as she wrenched open the door.

"At the risk of sounding redundant, and right, again, she has Cushing's," House was saying as she slid into a seat. "Cushing's."

"Right, the fact that you mangled her LP has nothing to do with it," Foreman countered. Josette's eyebrows lifted as she looked between the permanent and temporary heads of the department.

"Actually, it has everything to do with it. Cushing's plus stress equals hypertensive crisis," came the reply. "Smart move, sending the rookie." Josette wondered if he "mangled" her LP accidentally and was covering his ass, or if he done it on purpose. There was no time to contemplate as Foreman was already firing off another idea.

"Her initial symptoms could have been caused by alcohol-induced DIC. She had a hypertensive crisis because it's been at least six hours since she had her last drink. She's detoxing."

"The exact same moment that I'm futilely trying to give her an LP?"

"Right, an invisible tumor on her pituitary is much more likely."

"What if the tumor is somewhere else?" Chase interjected. "There could be an ACTH-secreting tumor on her lung or pancreas."

"It's awfully rare," Cameron said.

"Not as rare as an invisible tumor," he countered. Josette was surprised. From what she had read, Chase was an extreme brownnoser. She would have expected him to side with House, unless he thought Foreman would end up on top. _Interesting_.

"Why didn't they put you in charge instead of Foreman?" House asked and Josette could tell he was gearing up for a barb. "Oh yeah, you're the guy that killed that woman." _Right again!_ Josette had to resist the urge to laugh at both her ability to predict the actions of the doctors and House's comical delivery as House continued by asking for a scan to be done. Foreman looked at Josette. She nodded.

"Fine, do it. But when you don't find anything, put her on a Librium taper for the withdrawal and get her a bed in the rehab clinic." He looked at her again.

"I only okay procedures if they are a definite go, not a conditional maybe," she responded. "It depends on what happens between now and then." She looked at Foreman challengingly.

* * *

Josette had no idea why she was being asked to meet Cuddy in her office, but she felt as if she was still in school being called before the administration. She strode through the hallways purposefully, attempting to look as if she knew where she was going. She didn't. On her first day, Josette Tandy had officially gotten herself lost. 

She wasn't even sure which floor she was wandering around on, only that she couldn't find the stairs. She finally came to a halt after realizing she passed through this hallway at least once before.

"Lost?" a voice said behind her, causing her to jump. She spun around quickly. Standing before was an extremely attractive man whose appearance almost screamed _I'm sensitive_. She smiled awkwardly.

"I guess I am. I'm trying to get back to Cuddy's office. I took the long way because I had some extra time and I wanted to see the hospital, and now I'm hopelessly lost. It's my first day on the job and I…" She paused, and then started again. "I'm babbling at you." She grimaced. "I'm sorry. Josette Tandy, attorney," she said, extending her hand.

"James Wilson, Head of Oncology," he replied, taking her hand in his. "Let me guess, you're the lawyer assigned to babysit House." She smiled and laughed.

"How did you know?"

"Lucky guess. Well, and I tend to hear about most of the goings on here at the hospital if they concern House. It's one of the downsides of being his friend."

"He has friends?" she quipped. "That's encouraging." Dr. Wilson laughed.

"Why don't I show you to Cuddy's office then give you a full tour once you're done there?" he asked.

"Don't you have lives to save or something?" Josette asked, self-conscious under his gaze.

"Head of _Oncology_," he reminded. "Most of my patients are terminal." Josette winced.

"Oh, sorry, didn't think about that, I mean…that was insensitive of me, I…"

"Babbling," he said, smirking at her.

"Sorry," she said, grimacing again.

"That's fine. So, you're completely new here, I take it?" he asked, motioning her for to follow him as he began down a hallway.

"Yeah, first day in the hospital, is it that obvious?" She had caught up with him and quickly adapted her stride to match his.

"Well, getting lost generally indicates unfamiliarity with a place and this is the first day House has needed a lawyer, so it was a lucky guess," he said, flashing her a smile. Again, Josette felt uncomfortable, as if this James Wilson was able to not only read her mind, but see what kind of panties she was wearing.

"So much for going around incognito," she quipped. "So, am I allowed to ask questions about House, or is it part of the friendship manifesto that you don't talk about him?"

"Friendship manifesto?" he repeated questioningly as he turned the corner, revealing a row of elevators she should have seen ages ago.

"I just assumed a guy like him would have his friends keep their traps shut about him. At least, that's the impression I got from him." Wilson was startled by her remark, but made no outward appearance of it. Clearly, this Josette Tandy was smarter than he had given her credit for. Granted, Stacy's ranting on the telephone earlier in the day had been less than flattering, but even canceling out the negative remarks, he hadn't pictured her very perceptive.

"So, why are you 'being summoned' to Cuddy's office?" he asked, steering the conversation away from the landmine that was House.

"I never said I was being summoned!" she retorted. He quirked an eyebrow at her.

"You don't seem to enthusiastic about seeing your new boss, so I figured that she had asked to see _you_, not the other way around."

"Touché," she replied as she turned to go down the stairs.

"You know, there are two perfectly good elevators back there," Wilson said as they descended the stairs.

"I like my exercise," Josette responded. Apparently so did the rest of the hospital, and the pair was forced to walk in single file.

Josette used this time to sum up everything she had learned about James Wilson, Head of Oncology, and attempt to form a few conclusions. He was friends with House, which was surprising, given his sweet and charming nature. He was either very helpful or very desperate to get laid, as evidenced by his enthusiasm to escort a lost lawyer around PPTH. _Or he has an ulterior motive_, she reminded herself. She had checked his ring finger – married – so that made "getting laid" a little less likely, but not off the list. Magnanimousness was not something she thought of in connection with House, no matter how loose a connection, so that was unlikely.

He wanted something._Elementary my dear Wilson_, she thought sardonically. She had noticed the signs along the walls and she was sure she hadn't been anywhere near Oncology when Wilson found her. So, he wasn't anywhere near where he should have been. _Unless he had business there you don't know about, Tandy_, she scolded herself. _You're reading too far into this_.

The stairs opened up into the main lobby of the hospital and she could clearly see Cuddy's office from there. She was about to tell Wilson she'd meet up with him later when she stopped herself.

_Of course!_ She mentally exclaimed. _He knows how much of an ass his friend is and he wanted to make sure he didn't scare the new lawyer._ It was a simple explanation that took any hint of shadiness out of his character. _Maybe Wilson really is a goody-two-shoe_.

He opened all of the doors for her, making her feel like she was with an awkward prom date instead of the head of a department, but she appreciated the gesture nonetheless. She was quite capable of opening doors herself, but the gesture showed that her hypothesis was most likely correct and she immediately stopped feeling suspicious about James Wilson.

"Oh, good, you're early!" Cuddy exclaimed as the pair walked into her office. She had been straightening the bookshelves and was brandishing a duster of some kind. "I've just got a call from…well, never mind, but I don't have much time." She froze when she saw Wilson. "Why are you here?"

"I ran into Ms. Tandy on the way here and offered to give her a tour of the hospital while she was waiting for Diagnostics to come up with their answer to the latest riddle. House seems to hideout in the strangest places so I assumed she should learn where those places are," he lied, covering up her inability to get her bearings.

"Oh," Cuddy said. "Well, that takes care of part of my talk. Could you…?" she motioned to the door and Wilson nodded, leaving the room silently. The Dean of Medicine's eyes landed squarely on Josette once more and she felt awkward once again. "Some of the doctors have expressed concern over whether or not you are suitable for the job," she said abruptly.

"Are they concerned about my ability, or my bust size?" Josette drawled, arching her eyebrow. Cuddy blinked. "I'm assuming Cameron ran down here to attempt to get rid of me – having a pretty young thing around makes it harder to seduce the boss."

"How did you-? What?" Cuddy sputtered, sinking into the chair on the side wall of the office, flinging the duster onto the end table. Josette followed suit and sat facing her.

"Lucky guess," she retorted. "Look, Dr. Cuddy, I'm perfectly capable of doing this job. I'm sure before the week is out Foreman will be down here complaining about how I don't treat him with respect and Chase will be whining about how he doesn't like having someone prettier than him in the conference room." She shrugged. "I'm not sure what Dr. House will complain about, but I know he will."

Josette's use of House's title did not go unnoticed by Cuddy. From the way Josette spoke, she didn't respect Cameron, Foreman, or Chase, and therefore didn't use their titles. _She respects House?_ That was interesting, but not too surprising. Josette seemed like a very perceptive, intelligent person – someone who could understand why House was one of the most famous diagnosticians.

"Dr. Cameron's complaints dealt more with your attitude towards herself and Dr. Foreman."

"You didn't hire me to like them, you hired me to baby-sit them." Josette was already standing up. "Are you going to listen to their complaints? Am I out of a job?"

"No, you're not. I just wanted to see what was going on. You and Wilson have fun taking a tour of the building. House has clinic hours later today and I'll need you to observe him during that time." She sounded tired. Cuddy knew that it had been a waste of time, but the formalities had to be observed. She had hired Josette because of her abruptness and would weather any complaints about it.

Outside of the office, James Wilson was patiently waiting for Josette. Despite House's barbs to the contrary, he was not a man given to infidelity, which meant that he was certainly not waiting for Josette with anything less than honorable intentions. He knew he would have to hear it from House if he was caught giving the new lawyer a tour around the hospital, but he was willing to risk it if it meant Josette could keep an eye on House instead of him.

He watched the interaction going on in the office and was puzzled. Something Josette said had shocked Cuddy. He was curious what the conversation was about.

It seemed to Wilson that House had finally met someone who could match his perceptive abilities, if he correctly identified her once over of him. He made a mental note to find out. This could either a good thing or a disaster – either way, it mean change for Wilson.

Josette left Cuddy's office and was surprised to see Wilson waiting for her. Of course, he had said he was going to give her a tour, but she wasn't sure whether or not he was being serious. Evidently he was.

"So, the tour?" she asked.

"Well, I wasn't lying when I told Cuddy that I wanted to show you where House usually hides out. If you are going to be tailing him, you better get familiar with them. The clinic is right here," he said, gesturing needlessly. "He will sometimes pretend he's doing his clinic hours and sit in an exam room reading, watching television, or sleeping."

"I'm supervising all of his clinic duty, so that won't be a problem," she said. "I mean, he'll still be reading, sleeping, or watching television, but I'll know where he is." Wilson looked at her questioningly. "I don't care whether or not he slacks off, that's his business. What I care about are legal decisions."

"Then you two will get along great." He extended his arm. "Shall we begin the tour?" Josette studied his gesture a moment.

"We shall," she responded, placing her briefcase's strap over his arm and dropping it. Wilson's arm sagged with the weight, but he smiled and began to walk.

* * *

Later, once Wilson had shown her most of House's haunts – including the gynecology lounge and the men's locker room – the pair walked through the main waiting area talking. The two had become friendlier over their time exploring the hospital and were chatting animatedly about hospital gossip. 

Abruptly, Josette was stopped by something hard slamming into her abdomen. Looking down, she saw it was a cane.

"Not so fast Jimmy," a voice said off to her side. "_My_ lawyer." House was sitting on the arm of a chair in the waiting area. Josette was surprised she hadn't seen him before, but assumed that she had been too busy chatting with Wilson.

"Funny, House," Wilson said, rolling his eyes. "Did you have to hit her with the cane?"

"I didn't hit her, I _stopped _her. Completely different."

"And it didn't hurt," Josette added, wanting to get to the point. "What do you want?"

"Need your_permission_," he drawled the word absurdly.

"That's what the pager is for," Josette snapped.

"This is much more fun!" House whined. Josette stared at him in disbelief for a moment. Then her eyes hardened and Wilson watched as she set her jaw firmly.

"Fine," she said, eyes narrowing. "Tell me what's going on." Wilson looked between the pair briefly and then decided it was time for him to leave. There was something dangerous about the look that passed between the young lawyer and House that made him want to run the opposite direction.

"I'll see you later, House," he said. "Nice to meet you, Tandy." Neither of them responded, but merely nodded. Josette was far to irritated to even focus on anything other than House's eyes. His intense stare had the power to make even Foreman bend to his will, but, for some reason, only provoked Josette Tandy into locking eyes with him and holding. Wilson set down Josette's briefcase and hurried off.

"Found a mass in the patient's pancreas, have to do a biopsy. Is that allowed?" House said, not happy with having to run his decisions by Josette, and uncomfortable with the current staring contest – though he would never admit it.

"That's it? A biopsy? You _caned_ me in order to get permission to do a_biopsy_?"

"Um, yeah." Eye contact broke as Josette let out a noise of frustration that was eerily close to a growl. "At the risk of making you even more deliriously happy, I have clinic duty," he continued.

"Your point, House?" Josette ground out.

"You have to be there, remember," he said, pushing himself off the arm of the chair with his cane.

Once again, Josette found herself standing in the wake of Dr. House. It was an uncomfortable feeling, and she quickly snatched up her briefcase and caught up with him to remedy the situation.

"Are you always this annoying?" she asked abruptly. "Or am I special?"

"Of course you're special," he said in a mocking tone. "Everyone's special."

"I'll take that as you're always like this. Fantastic." She paused for a moment. The pair had reached the elevator and stopped after House attacked the call button with his cane. She turned to look at him. "Look, Dr. House, I'm not too thrilled about being your baby-sitter, okay? I would rather be back at my old job defending shoplifters, but Cuddy offered me twice as much money and I'm not too noble to be bought. So let's just make the best of this situation, shall we?"

House studied Josette for the first time. Severe business suit, matching briefcase – this girl had definitely seen the inside of a courtroom before. He noticed the unmistakable bulge of an i-pod in her pocket.

"First, I have to go assist in the biopsy and then off to the clinic. You can just make yourself comfortable and listen to whatever crappy pop songs you have in your pocket and I'll not harass you."

"I don't listen to_crappy pop songs_, but either way, the battery died, so music isn't an option until I charge it," she said with less venom in her voice as before. Clearly, this was House's way of extending an olive branch – an insult-surrounded olive branch, but a branch nonetheless.

The elevator doors opened and House entered, expecting Josette to follow. She didn't.

"See you in the clinic!" she said as the doors shut. Successfully removing herself from House's presence for the moment, she smiled to herself and walked down the stairs, heading toward her office.

Josette quickly made her way to her office, and sighed in relief as she saw the door labeled "Josette Tandy." If only for a few moments, her escape into her office would provide her with enough rest to finish up the day. It would also allow her the solitude she needed to fully process the information she had discovered throughout the day.

* * *

Cameron stood next to Wilson in the observation room watching Anica's biopsy. Tandy had cleared the biopsy, evidently, but had not shown up herself. This allowed Cameron to vent to Wilson regarding her issues with the new addition to the team. 

"House assisting. That's funny. Too bad Foreman's going to die," Wilson was saying next to her. She laughed slightly, and finally worked up the courage to ask her next question.

"Have you met the lawyer?" There was no need to indicate which lawyer.

"Josette?" Wilson asked. "Yeah. She seems quite nice." He looked at her and realized very quickly that was not the answer she was looking for. "Why?"

"I don't like her." It was abrupt. Allison Cameron was not known to be abrupt. She was also not known to dislike people, so this was a new development.

"Why not?" Wilson asked, slipping into the role of devil's advocate – something he did with House constantly.

"She's abrupt, rude, irritating. And she looks at you like she knows exactly what's going on inside your head."

"I thought that's what you liked in people," Wilson said, his eyes still on the procedure.

"What gave you that impression?" He could feel Cameron's gaze on him and finally turned to face her.

"You just described House with the wrong pronouns."

* * *

Josette was updating her files on each of the members of the diagnostic team and had already created two new files: Stacy Warner and James Wilson. While it was an inordinate amount of paperwork, it helped Josette keep people organized and allowed her to reference potentially useful information quickly. 

Her i-pod was charging on its dock next to her computer, but she had forgotten about it moments after plugging it in. The office was nice – it had a window – but it was bare, as Josette had not brought anything to decorate with.

It didn't bother her. In all reality, she would most likely never decorate the office. She knew she was going to spend little time in her office and there was no point in spending time making it look pretty when her clients would never visit her there. Besides, it made the room feel larger.

Her door opened suddenly and she jumped, closing her folder quickly to conceal the contents in the event that the subject of the folder was on the other side of the door. He was.

"Clinic time, Tandy!" House said cheerfully. She rolled her eyes at him and stood, reaching for her i-pod. "Leave it!"

"What? I thought you told me to 'listen to my crappy pop tunes' while you saved the world," she said, unplugging the device.

"Rethought that decision. You're listening to mine, instead. At least I'll know you aren't killing brain cells listening to the latest boy band."

"Fine, but that means you have to listen to mine if you decide to kill time by hiding out in an exam room," she countered slipping hers into her pocket.

"You'd let me slack off?" he asked, incredulous. Stacy would have been all over him to get his work done.

"I don't care what you do with your time; I just have to be there when you do it." She shrugged and stepped around the desk. "Shall we?" she asked, mimicking Wilson's earlier gesture. He snorted at her upheld arm, then smiled and batted his eyelashes.

"Oh thank you, Mistah Tandy!" he exclaimed, faking a "southern belle" accent. "I don't know how I would evah make it to the clinic without you!"

"Get out of my way, O'Hara," she said, and he stepped back, allowing her to shut her door. "Let's go."

The pair made their way to the clinic, with House making ridiculous "southern belle" impersonations the entire time. Unlike Wilson, House did not hold the door into the clinic for her, but she was expecting it. House snatched up a folder from the counter and began to read it while heading into exam room one.

"Good afternoon," House said, opening the door. "I'm going to be looking at your…Perfect." He had stopped short, and Josette was unsure whether or not she really wanted to follow him into the room. "So, when did this start?"

He had stepped forward enough to allow Josette into the room. She was stunned momentarily by the young woman in the stirrups before her – or, more appropriately, the young woman's vagina.

"A couple of weeks ago. I didn't want to get pregnant. Jake's not into rubbers, so I got on the jelly," she explained. "You think I'm allergic or something?"

House slid into the chair and inspected the woman closer. Josette simply shut the door behind her and stayed as close as she could to the door. It was an awkward situation for her to be in. When she had applied for the job, she was made aware of the medical situations she would find herself in – and had to fill out a form promising to not administer care, and removing all responsibility from the hospital if she did – but it did not truly prepare her for what was to come, evidently.

"You have an infection. Going to need a sample," House said, reaching for a medical swab.

"I brought the jar," the young woman said helpfully.

"No, I meant a sample of your-" he stopped abruptly. Josette, who had been averting her eyes, looked to see what had stopped him. The woman was holding a jar of strawberry jelly. "Okay," House continued. "We have a neurological problem."

"There is something wrong with my brain?" the young woman asked, panicked.

"Oh, yeah. You can cover yourself up, got what I need." He held up a swab, but Josette realized that the test would be superficial, because the cause of the infection was easily identified – even by her.

"What's _she_ doing in here?" the woman asked abruptly, looking at Josette. This was something Josette was not expecting. Part of her had wanted to wear a lab coat and pretend to be a doctor while in the clinic, but Cuddy had forbid her to do so. This meant she had to go through the lengthy explanation of why she had to be present while a doctor examined this woman's nether regions.

"My baby-sitter," House replied. "I _love _it when she tucks me in at night." Josette quickly turned to look at House, but he had already moved on from his quip. "Okay, I'm going to give you some antibiotics, and you probably shouldn't have sex for a while."

"How long?" the patient asked.

"On an evolutionary basis, I'd recommend forever."

* * *

"So, what do you think about this Josette?" a voice asked from Wilson's office door. He looked up and saw Stacy sticking her head in from the hallway. 

"Not you, too," he moaned. "I've already had this talk with Cameron."

"Why is Cameron asking about Josette?"

"Why are _you_ asking about her?" Stacy shot Wilson a look. "Come in and close the door," he finally said, sighing.

"So, what do you think about her?" Stacy asked as soon as the door shut. Wilson shut his eyes and rested his head in his hands for a moment.

"You want the honest truth?" he asked, he head still in his hands.

"Yes!"

"Fine." He looked up from his hands. "I think she's the best thing that has ever happened to House."

"What do you mean?" Stacy asked, alarmed.

"Well, he's obviously going to fall in love with her and forget about you and they'll live happily ever after," Wilson said. When Stacy's face registered even more alarm he scowled at her. "I was kidding."

"Not funny."

"Look, what I said about her being the best thing to happen to him was true. She's smart, witty, and somehow withstands his most piercing glare with ease. Cuddy hired her to keep House in line and she certainly picked the right person."

"Did you know that she left a position at Granger & Burke to come here?" Stacy said, lowering her voice and leaning in despite the complete privacy of his office.

"Yeah, she finally told me after I spent an hour talking to her, how do _you _know?"

"Google is an amazing thing," Stacy replied, not meeting his eyes.

"Dear God! Jealous, Stacy?" Wilson said, throwing up his arms. "Don't do this. You're here because Mark – _your husband_ – is in rehab and unable to _walk_. You being here has nothing to do with Greg House." He paused, searching her face. "Or does it?"

"No!" she blurted far too quickly for it to be true.

"Oh. My. God." Wilson dropped his head back into his hands.

* * *

Josette scrambled up the stairs, attempting to make her way up multiple flights of stairs before the elevator ascended the floors. Some of the other hospital employees utilizing the stairs looked at her as if she were crazy, others voiced their opinions out-loud, but she was a woman on a mission. 

She quickly skidded onto the floor which contained both James Wilson's office and the Department of Diagnostic Medicine. The elevators emitted a soft "ding" as a car reached the floor. Josette watched as the doors opened and had to refrain from jumping up and down in her excitement as they revealed Dr. House.

"I won, you lost," she chanted juvenilely while he exited the elevator.

"You're sweaty, I'm not," he replied, mimicking her.

"But I won," she responded. She stuck out her hand. "Gimme."

"It's not my fault that nurse couldn't keep her hands off me. Had to stop the elevator…"

"Liar. Gimme." House rolled his eyes, and reached into his pocket. He produced a Game Boy and tossed it at her.

"Score," she said under her breath as she powered it up.

"C'mon, kiddo, got a DDX to do," House said, motioning for her to continue walking toward the conference room.

The pair continued on, past Wilson's office and disappeared into the conference room. It was the second time that day Josette had felt as if she was completely unobserved. It was also the second time that day she was wrong.

* * *

Stacy rose to leave, realizing Wilson was having a "best-friend-of-House" crisis that wouldn't be resolved any time soon. Just as she opened the door, an extremely familiar voice filtered into the office. 

"Nurse couldn't keep her hands off me. Had to stop the elevator…" House. Wilson snorted and looked up at Stacy.

"Liar. Gimme." Another voice – newer, female, and recognizable as well. Josette. Stacy quickly shut the door to a crack again and began to peer out.

"What are you doing?" Wilson hissed, a panicked expression blossoming on his face.

"Shh! I'm trying to listen!"

"C'mon kiddo, got a DDX to do," House said. Footsteps began and it was clear they were headed to the conference room.

"Stacy!" Wilson whispered. "What are you _doing_?" The footsteps grew louder – Josette's staccato heel-clicks and the thump of House's cane – and then faded as they assumedly entered Diagnostics.

"She had House's Game Boy!" Stacy sputtered, shutting the door again.

"So?" Wilson asked, his voice casual, but his mind reeling. House didn't let _him_ play with this piece of his favorite electronics (second only to his VCR).

"_So_?" she repeated, incredulous. "You know he doesn't let anyone handle his baby!"

"Sounds like they made a bet about something," Wilson said. "If she named the terms, he'd have to stick to them."

"Only if he took the bet."

"House _always_ takes the bet."

"Not if it means possibly giving up one of his treasures."

* * *

Once inside the conference room, Josette made herself comfortable at the end of the table, farthest from the door and the infamous board. Slowly, the team began to filter in. 

Her heart rate was still elevated due to her mad dash up the stairs and House had been right – she was sweaty – but it had been worth it. Already up a level in whatever edition of Super Mario was in the machine, she was in heaven.

It had been a difficult decision for House; at least, he made it look that way. When she bet him that she could get to the floor on foot faster than he could by elevator, he had foolishly asked her to name her terms. She did. Exclusive use of the Game Boy for the day. He had considered it for a moment, and then agreed, but when he handed it over, his joking manner was masking how uncomfortable he was having someone else use his electronic mind-killer.

"The mass in the pancreas is benign, it's probably just scar tissue," Chase was saying at the fringe of her attention.

"The labs you sent yesterday put her ACTH at sixty-four picograms per milliliter. She's got Cushing's," House replied. "Something set it off. It's gotta be in her brain, set her up for a Venus sampling." He officially had her attention. Chase stood up to follow his boss's orders.

"Hold your horses," Josette said. "You forgot a small little detail there."

"Chase, hold on," Foreman said and he stopped immediately.

"How'd you get him trained so fast?" House asked. "Electronic collar? Got treats in your pocket?" Josette rolled her eyes.

"There's another possibility," Cameron said, stopping Josette's next sentence before it had started. "She didn't even read the consent form for the pancreatic biopsy."

"What?" Josette asked, her head snapping to face Cameron.

"Who reads those things?" Chase said, shrugging.

"People who attempt to do things the _legal_ way. Please tell me you at least encouraged her to read it," Josette said, her eyes wide with disbelief.

"Maybe she didn't read it because she knew nothing's wrong with her," Cameron said, dodging Josette's comment. "There is another explanation for the Cushing's."

"What does that have to do with consent forms," Josette said, still focusing on the previous part of the discussion.

"Maybe she injected herself with the ACTH. Her behavior suggests Munchausen's. She's had four hospitalizations in the last four months," Cameron continued over Josette.

"Well, being hospitalized a lot certainly points to _nothing wrong with you_," House quipped.

"She's had zero symptoms since she got here. The scarring on her pancreas could be caused by injecting herself with a benzene and setting off the seizures."

"Um. She's had brain surgery," Josette interjected. "You really can't fake that – can you?" She asked, looking at House.

"You can fake a stomach ache, you can't fake a brain tumor," he answered.

"You can fake an invisible one," Cameron countered. "We should check her apartment. Look for medications, syringes…"

"Wait, _what_?" Josette asked, bewildered.

"Venus sampling's easier," House said, ignoring Josette.

"And more dangerous," Foreman said, jumping into the fray.

"Not if you get caught breaking in!" House argued.

"So don't get caught," Foreman said, then leveled his gaze at his boss/employee. "House."

"Wait! _What_?" Josette repeated. "You can't just go _search_ a patient's_apartment_, are you all insane?"

All eyes turned to Josette, surprised. Even Cuddy allowed the searches to occur. Granted, she never addressed the issue, but she also didn't put an end to them.

Previously, the team had considered Josette a "for show" member – someone who was there for appearances, but that the department would run the way it always had. Clearly, she had something else in mind.

"Stop me," House said, arching an eyebrow at her. He turned to leave after motioning at Cameron. The pair left the conference room, followed by an irate Josette.

"You can't _do_ this!" she exclaimed, hounding them. "I'm not agreeing to this."

"If she has Munchausen's, then we'll find the evidence at her home," Cameron said. "It's not like she's going to tell us."

"But you have to have her permission to search her home!"

"A Munchausen's patient is not likely to allow us to search her home if she's got incriminating evidence stored there."

Stacy had been about to exit, when an explosion of noise came from the hallway. Despite having only known Josette for a day, she knew the loudest voice was hers. Stacy glanced at Wilson, who quickly jumped up from his desk and joined her at the doorway. The pair exited Wilson's office at the same moment House, Cameron, and Josette walked by.

"Stacy! Thank God!" Josette cried upon seeing her. "Tell them that searching a patient's apartment is _illegal_ and that they can't _do_ it."

"Well, I…," Stacy stammered, looking between House and Josette.

"While you two discuss the legal ramifications of breaking and entering, I'll be off doing it," House said brightly. "C'mon Cameron."

"House! You can't just do that!" Josette called to his back as he walked off towards the elevator. "Can he?" she asked, lowering her voice and turning to Stacy. By this point, Foreman and Chase had left the conference room to watch the argument and a few orderlies had stopped what they were doing and paused in the hallway.

"Why don't we just step back into my office," Wilson suggested, eyeing the crowd that had formed. Both women agreed and, stepped back into his office, shutting the door before he could enter. The faint click of a lock confirmed his suspicions that he would have to face the mob alone.

"So, can he?" Josette asked, storming across the office. She turned to face Stacy who stood by the door.

"I've never objected to his searches, but generally I'm not as informed as you are," Stacy said. "He has done them previously and they helped diagnose a patient, but I'm not sure Cuddy knows about them."

"So, do I let him?" Josette asked, walking forward towards Stacy and then turning completely around and began pacing back and forth between her two previous positions. "Well, I can't stop him, can I?" she said to herself. "But Cuddy could." Her pacing had brought her to face the older lawyer. "So, she really doesn't know?"

"I'm not sure," Stacy said, a small smile forming at the corners of her lips. "Why don't you talk to her about it? I'm sure she'd understand your dilemma."

"She's already talked to me once today, I'd like to not get fired," Josette said, shaking her head.

"But if you just allow it, and she finds out…" Stacy let her voice trail off and the ghost of a smile grew as Josette contemplated the various ways of ending the sentence. None of them were good. She paled.

"I'll talk to her right now, then," Josette said, before quickly leaving the office. Stacy watched her hurry toward the stairs. The smile finally blossomed across her face.

"What are you smiling at?" Wilson snapped peevishly as turned to go back into his office. "I thought you had a problem with Josette." He wasn't sure he could take much more feminine controversy, and desperately wanted to have his office back.

"Oh, I think I just solved that problem."

* * *

Josette hurried through the main lobby of the hospital, her flight from Diagnostics having been easier than her race to it. She blessed the glass walls of the hospital once she spied Cuddy alone in her office. Her rapid pace caused a few raised eyebrows, but no one was too worried. She was House's babysitter – no one thought she would last a full day. 

With as much grace and courtesy as her charge used in the same circumstance, she barged into Lisa Cuddy's office, flushed and slightly out of breath. The owner of the office had been seated at her desk, reviewing something on her computer when she was interrupted.

"We need to talk," Josette said, her eyes slightly wild.

"Oh my God, what has he done?" Cuddy asked, moving from behind her desk to in front of it. Her mind had leaped to a thousand conclusions, most involving a patient cowering in terror. It had been a fear of hers that House would do something dramatic to protest both Foreman's rule over him as well as the more permanent check and balance that was Josette Tandy.

"They _all_ agreed for House to search a patient's apartment," Josette almost wailed. Cuddy blinked. _That_ was what had the new lawyer in a panic? She had to admit that it was illegal, but it had saved a patient's life more than once.

"Oh," she said, panic leaving her. "I thought you meant something drastic."

"_Breaking_ and_Entering_! That is drastic!"

"Not with House. I've known about his searches for a while, but chose not to do anything about them. Why didn't you talk to Stacy first, she would have told you the same thing."

Josette started for a moment, her mind reeling. A strange expression flickered over her face, then her face hardened, tumblers falling into place in her mind. Stacy set her up.

"I didn't think about it," Josette answered evenly. "I was concerned about your response. You are, after all, my client."

"Ms. Tandy. I've already had someone on staff question your ability to do this job, and now you are here raising doubt yourself. I hired you so I wouldn't have to be constantly vigilant when it came to House – for you to make decisions, speed up the process. I didn't hire you to come running to me about everything."

"How am I supposed to make decisions if you don't tell what is allowed and what isn't allowed?"

"I had hoped to never make my feelings known about House's searches. That way I could claim no knowledge of them. Unfortunately, you brought it to my attention."

"This isn't the job I agreed to when I signed on," Josette said, her mind reeling once again. She was inches away from being fired.

"Can you handle it, or not?" Cuddy asked, crossing her arms. Josette was furious. Furious at House, at herself, and most of all at Stacy. She had no where to go if Cuddy fired her. Granger & Burke had let her know that there would _not_ be a job waiting for her if she accepted Princeton Plainsboro's offer.

"Yes," she ground out. Cuddy could tell Josette was fuming under her calm exterior, and wondered why she was so agitated. Something wasn't right.

"Then go handle it," she said, her voice kinder than she had wanted it to be. She didn't want Josette to think she was sympathizing with her over something she had no idea about, but she also couldn't be completely cold-hearted.

* * *

"So she told me to 'go handle it' and shooed me out of her office!" Josette said into her phone. She was sitting at her desk in her office, waiting for House and Cameron to return from their criminal activities. On the other end of the phone was Josette's friend and college roommate Giselle. Despite her exotic sounding name, she was as American as they come – with parents who had delusions of grandeur. 

"Remind me why you left Granger & Burke for this," Giselle replied, having just heard Josette's day condensed into fifteen minutes.

"The money," Josette said, shrugging despite her friend being unable to see her. "And the ability to get out of the courtroom for a change."

"But you're amazing in the courtroom!" The indignant shriek was clearly heard by Josette and half of the hospital. "Why give that up?"

"It's too formulaic, Giselle," Josette said, leaning back in her chair and glancing at the time. "Besides, I needed a fresh start. Lisa Cuddy offered me one."

While Giselle began a systematic analysis of why Josette was being an idiot, Josette began digging in her bag for something. After a few minutes, and exhibits "A" through "H" on Giselle's list, she triumphantly extracted a ball the right size to fit in her hand.

As exhibit "I" began being explored, Josette started to bounce the ball off of the wall she shared with Stacy's office. If she was lucky, the scheming attorney would be in the middle of an important call and unable to come over and reprimand her and be forced to listen to the monotonous bouncing.

Realizing that too much monotony would make the bouncing fade into the background, she began to vary the bounces, creating various rhythms and patterns. Around exhibit "R," Josette was able to get a word in and stopped her friend's version of life coaching.

"Look, Giselle, there's not much I can do about it right now," she said, her throws getting more vicious. "I just needed to vent to someone that wasn't connected. How's Victor?" she asked, shifting the subject to her friend's latest conquest. Just then, there was a sharp rap at the door, and someone appeared in the small window that ran alongside the door.

Josette motioned for the person to come in, not bothering to look to see who it was. As expected, it was Stacy.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" she asked, seriously. Josette nodded.

"Look, Giselle, it was great getting to talk to you, I've got to get going – work calls. Say hello to Victor for me. Bye!" She hung up the phone quickly, not bothering to decipher what Giselle was saying as the phone disconnected. Josette looked up at Stacy. "Yes?"

"Is there a reason you are bouncing _that_ on our communal wall?" she asked, gesturing to the small ball in Josette's hand.

"It's a stress ball. It relieves stress. I'm stressed, hence the usage," Josette said, still sprawled in her chair. Her head was beginning to hurt.

"You're supposed to squeeze those, not throw them," Stacy noted.

"Really?" Josette asked with exaggerated surprise. She made a face at Stacy before adding, "I tried that, but it doesn't work as well as chucking it."

"Right, so why my wall?"

"You're wall? I was under the impression that I was bouncing it off _my_ wall. If the sound penetrates the space between the pieces of sheetrock and echoes in your office, it's an unfortunate incident of acoustics."

"There's a perfectly good wall over there," Stacy said, her anger becoming very apparent below her cool façade. She was gesturing to the wall opposite her office. "Try that one."

"And bother Rogers?" Josette said, arching her eyebrow.

"Why not? You're bothering me."

"Rogers is a grumpy old bastard. Besides he doesn't like me," Josette replied as if the answer were readily apparent. "_You_ on the other hand, seem to like me, you bought me lunch." Josette's pager went off and she glanced at it. House and Cameron. She stood up and looped her briefcase over her shoulder.

"So, me buying you lunch means you can annoy me?" Stacy asked incredulously as Josette rounded her desk and approached the door.

"Um, yeah," Josette said, pretending to think about it. Stacy stepped back out into the hallway to let Josette through. After shutting the door behind her, Josette turned to Stacy. "Cuddy was under the impression that you were aware of her choice to ignore House's searches. I guess she was mistaken."

"Oh, well, I…," Stacy started, but Josette cut her off.

"Don't worry, I didn't inform her otherwise. I didn't want you to get into any trouble or anything. You know now, so it's okay." She smiled sweetly – a smile that appeared to be completely sincere and walked off towards the stairs.

Stacy was left feeling perfectly content. Not only did Josette consider her a quasi-friend – even if her idea of friendship was akin to House's friendship with Wilson – she also was concerned about Stacy's status at PPTH. A small part of her wondered if Josette was faking sincerity, but she dismissed the thought easily. After years with House, she considered herself adept at reading people, and Josette Tandy had been completely sincere.

As Stacy stood by Josette's office door, Josette quickly made her way to the Department of Diagnostics. She was smiling broadly, with a slight spring in her step. While part of her was still seething about Stacy's obvious trap, she had just given herself the upper hand in their future interactions.

Her parents had been confused about her choice to pick up theatre as a second major while in college. Josette had concentrated in performance and even headlined an undergraduate production in her second year. Theatre had always been a passion of Josette's, but it didn't hold the monetary support that law did. It wasn't a wasted major, though, because Josette used her acting training every time she walked into a courtroom. After all, what were opening and closing statements but performance pieces?

It had been quite clear that Stacy had bought her insincere act. Any lingering anger of the situation was directed more at Josette herself for not catching Stacy's machinations ahead of time. Known in law school for her perceptiveness, it was rare that Josette was set-up by anyone. Clearly, Stacy Warner was a worthy opponent.

Josette glanced through the glass wall and noted the empty conference room. She continued down to the second Diagnostic door and entered House's office, where she found Foreman seated at House's desk.

"I was paged," she said, approaching the desk.

"House and Cameron are on their way up. They called once they pulled into the parking lot and I went ahead and paged you. Since you had gone back to your office, I knew it would take a few minutes for you to get here and House isn't fond of waiting."

"I thought you were his boss, temporarily," Josette observed. "Couldn't you _make_ him wait?" Foreman was quiet for a moment, attempting to find an answer that did not detract from his authority. At that moment, House and Cameron walked in, House carrying a motorcycle helmet. _Note to self: Ask about bike_, Josette thought.

"If you think she's got Munchausen's then obviously you've got something to show the man," House said, with a tone that indicated they had found nothing. "A syringe in her apartment, a bottle of ACTH."

"Munchausen's patients are good at covering their tracks," Foreman replied. Josette held back her question of why the search was necessary in the first place if he was going to dismiss the findings.

"Oh, right, so the fact that we found nothing proves that there's something," House countered.

"Look at the pathology reports from the surgery she had in Chicago," Cameron said, joining the debate. "They removed thirty percent of her pituitary – they found no tumor!"

"It's possible the surgeons just missed it. In that kind of surgery, you're just cutting and hoping," said Foreman. _Pick a side, already_, Josette thought, but once again remained silent as House voiced her opinion.

"Of course!" he cried. "We're both right! Excellent solution, everybody's happy. Come on, step up, Foreman. If you think I'm right, order me to stick a needle in her brain, and if you think Cameron's right, send the patient home." House shrugged. "Either she'll be fine or she'll die."

"Do the Venus sampling," Foreman conceded after a moment of thought. Josette opened her mouth to speak. "Get her consent," Foreman added to Cameron, who rolled her eyes before exiting the office.

"Nice move, boss. Way to cover your ass," House said, still intent on abusing Foreman.

"I just agreed with you," Foreman pointed out.

"Not because you think I'm right. You're just taking the safe route – you're a wuss. Don't worry, your secret's safe with me." House turned to leave and once he was standing in the hallway he raised his voice. "Hey, Wilson! Guess what Foreman just did!"

"Is he always such an asshole?" Josette asked, startling Foreman, who had been staring at the door.

"Yeah."

Josette set down her briefcase. "Watch that for me," she said and hurried out of the office. She had assumed that House had actually seen Wilson before shouting at him, so she went directly to his office. She didn't even knock, but barged right in. She had been right, there was House.

"Do you _have_ to be such a bastard?" she asked without preamble.

"I plead the fifth," House said, looking at Wilson with a clear plea for rescue.

"Only works in a court of law, House," Josette snapped. "And James Wilson's office is not a court of law."

"Oh, you know Wilson," House said, changing the subject. "Let me guess, you used to be a divorce lawyer."

"Don't change the subject!" Josette cried at the same time Wilson protested, "Leave me out of this!"

"Foreman, who is your _boss_ by the way, at least for now, made a diplomatic statement in which both you and Cameron could be considered correct. You browbeat him. He sides with you, possibly fueling a mentally ill patient's psychosis and you _mock_ him?"

"What's it to you how I treat my underlings?"

"Your _underlings_?" Josette laughed. "Good God, you're more arrogant than the partners at Granger & Burke! It matters a lot to me, because, unlike Foreman's reign over your department, I'm permanent. I'm not going anywhere."

"So deal with it." Instead of looking angered by her outburst, House looked amused. Wilson, who was hoping one could disappear after enough concentration, was studying the pair while wishing himself away – preferably somewhere House-free. Josette was not the doormat House had expected her to be, that was obvious. House was more insane than Josette had been told, that was also obvious.

But House wasn't exploding at her. He wasn't yelling and waving his cane like a madman. He was attempting not to smirk.

"Deal with it?" Josette shrieked.

"Deal with it, or you don't get to play with the Game Boy ever again." Josette's mouth immediately shut.

"Fine."

Josette had stormed out of the office soon after, mumbling something under her breath. House remained standing, staring at the door for a few moments after her departure, something Wilson hadn't seen him do. Clearly, he was contemplating Josette – but in what context? _How to squish her like a bug on a windshield?_ No, that wasn't the look. It was a look of – Wilson couldn't believe he was thinking it – almost admiration.

Suddenly, Wilson wanted House out of his office. He wanted time to think. Time to realize what was going on. House, being House, was oblivious to his wishes and settled in for a long winter's conversation. At least it was past lunch time, otherwise Wilson knew he'd be buying a Rueben minus pickle.

* * *

A little while later the team was again convened in the conference room. Foreman had just asked if Anica was being prepped for the sampling. 

"Yeah, mentally ill patient is right on track for a pointless procedure," Cameron drawled.

"We _get_ your objection," Josette said shortly. All eyes snapped to the young lawyer, who was seething about something. The phone rang, cutting off any retort to be made by the immunologist. Chase, who had been seated behind House's desk, picked up the phone and handed to House who smirked and handed it off to Foreman.

"Foreman," he said, answering. "Are you sure? That doesn't make any sense, check it again. We got to delay the Venus sample."

Cameron looked like the cat that ate the canary. "Why? Her urine turning orange?"

"How would you know that?" Foreman asked, perplexed.

"Because that's what rifampin does," Cameron said in explanation, even though it didn't explain a thing – at least, not to the veterans on the team. Josette's mind was already whirring, cogs clicking into place.

"She's not on antibiotics," Chase said.

"But if a Munchausen's patient thinks she's about to get bushed, she sees pills labeled _Dangerous: Might Cause Seizures_, she might grab a couple," Cameron said.

"And if that label were 'accidentally' put on a bottle of rifampin and someone," she looked pointedly at Cameron, "'accidentally' left it in her room," Josette finished. "Cameron set her up!"

"Might have. It's Munchausen's. All this she did to herself." There was that satisfied smirk on Cameron's face. Cameron glanced at House, hoping to see a flash of approval, but his eyes were elsewhere – namely on Josette. Quickly, Cameron followed his line of vision. Josette looked ready to explode.

"Tandy, don't forget," House chided.

"I know, I know, Goddamn Game Boy!" she snarled, crossing her arms.

* * *

It was a good thing for Josette that she held in her temper long enough to retain usage of the Game Boy, as she wasn't needed for a long amount of time. She sat in the conference room, however, just in case. She was already fed up with the four members of the department and wanted a break. Strangely, the once place they seemed to _not_ be was where they _should _be. 

_At least House will be pleased_, she though as she leveled up once again in the game. She would have told him, except she had no idea where he was. The team had come through again and told her Anica was being discharged with Munchausen's, but their fearless leader was missing.

As the day drew to a close and no House appeared, Josette began to worry that he had sneaked off to do something quite terrible that she should have been stopping. After all, it was past normal office hours, yet House hadn't left.

It was then that Cameron burst into the conference room, followed by a snarling Foreman. _Oh, shit_, she thought. Chase followed soon after, looking just as irritated.

"Dare I ask?" Josette ventured.

"Oh, House just decided to dose a discharged patient with colchicine."

"What?" Josette asked, dumbfounded. "Hold on."

"It's a medicine used to treat gout," Chase supplied.

"I'm assuming you mean Anica. She doesn't _have_ anything close to gout," Josette said, attempting to sort everything out.

"The medicine lowered her white count – which made us think that she had aplastic anemia," Cameron said, pausing to let Josette process the information.

"I'm following," Josette said, nodding. "I'm assuming he was wrong."

"Yeah, major wrong," Foreman interjected.

"Anyway," Chase said over Foreman, "we were just starting treatment for aplastic anemia when…"

Josette interrupted him. "Wait, you started treatment without consulting me?" She let out an exasperated sigh. "I though we've been over this _Dr. Foreman_," she hissed.

"It wasn't just us – it was Wilson as well," Foreman countered.

"Just because _Wilson_ agrees doesn't mean _I_ do!"

"Wilson happens to be a well respected oncologist," Cameron said. "I think he knows more about aplastic anemia than you do."

"Well, House happens to be a well respected diagnostician, but here I am, baby-sitting."

"Either way," Chase said, jumping in before any more arguing could take place. "House was wrong, but he figured it out in time. She had an infection."

"Which you didn't catch before because…?" Josette let the question hang for a moment. All three of the doctors remained silent. Both men glanced at Cameron briefly. "Oh, wait, I think I know. Cameron gave her antibiotics labeled as seizure inducing happy pills."

"What else could I do to prove she has Munchausen's?"

"You know, there are pills out there that are made purposefully to change the color of bodily fluid," Josette remarked. "Why not use one of those? You know, one that _wouldn't_ mess with a diagnosis."

"You're just angry because House dosed a patient without your knowledge."

"I'm just angry because I was put here for a reason, and you people won't let me do my job!" Josette stood up and jammed the Game Boy into her coat pocket.

"Where are you going?" Foreman asked, puzzled.

"To do my job!"

* * *

"Kind of digging this whole 'Foreman in Charge' thing," House was saying as he and Wilson walked through the lobby. "Frees me up to watch my soaps, catch a movie in the afternoon, have lunch with you." 

"Yeah, that's a_big_ change for you," Wilson drawled.

"Now Cuddy's on Foreman's ass, not mine," House continued as if Wilson had not spoken.

"You couldn't live with Foreman as your boss."

"Why not? People can change, you know."

"HOUSE!" a voice bellowed from across the lobby. "What the _hell_ is wrong with you?" Without turning around, House knew that Josette was quickly approaching him. While at first her heels clicking on the floor was annoying, he soon realized he could track her movements by sound.

"What?" he asked, turning to face her.

"You purposefully went behind – not just _my_ back – but the team's and drugged a Munchausen's patient?" At this point, she was standing right before him, but her volume had not decreased proportional to the distance covered.

"It's not like she hadn't drugged herself before," he scoffed. "It was just colchricine."

"Right," Josette snapped. "That makes it totally acceptable." Her volume had lowered drastically, making the statement even more chilling. Once again, Wilson was placed in a position that made him want to run. This time, however, when he made to leave he was stopped by House's cane. Startled, he looked up and realized that his friend had caned him without even looking his way.

"Well, she got what she wanted – _attention_, so it's not like she's going to sue," House explained.

"But you just can't_do_ that!"

"What are you? The morality police? You're worse than Cameron."

"No, I'm supposed to keep _you_ from doing something stupid," Josette fired back.

"What, like saving a life?" House raised an eyebrow. Immediately Josette realized two things. One, this was not an argument she was going to win. Two, he had a point. "Look, you were hired to keep me out of legal trouble, not to be my nanny."

"Fine," Josette said coolly. "Forgive me for wanting to spare us all the trouble of a trial. If you're so desperate to see me use my negotiation skills with a patient's lawyer, by all means, carry on. On the other hand, we could always try _communicating_ and reaching a consensus regarding whether or not its worth the risk."

"Deal," House said. "Hand over the Game Boy."

"I left it in your office," she lied.

"Liar. Hand it over, day's finished."

"Ass-hat," Josette murmured as she relinquished the electronic device, unable to suppress the feeling that she was handing over a lot more.

* * *

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